Hi, I'm J and I've been SH for almost 3 years now. I have some sort of anxiety, and I started SH because it really halped calm me down. Any time I started to get really bad anxiety, or struggled sleeping because of stress, I would SH. I'm doing a lot better now, but I still occasionally relapse, like a few nights ago. I'm really pale, and a lot of my scars turn pink, and it's really obvious if anyone would see my scars.
I'm constantly worried somone will find out. The only one who knows is my little sibling, and that's because they accidentally saw me changing once. So now any time I SH I just feel so guilty I'm doing this to them and it just makes me even more anxious. And I know I should tell someone or my parents but I dress more on the alt side of the spectrum and I'm terrified people will treat me weird or different because of it. I mean its one thing to joke around but it's another thing to consistently hurt yourself to the point of expansive scaring.
I don't really know what I'm trying to say here, I guess I just feel like a pick-me? Like my parents arent abusive and I have friends, but I've had some issues with my gender (and like anxiety and stuff) and my parents are SUPER homo/transphobic and I'm just scared man. Like I don't have a lot of self worth but I'm not suicidal or anything as serious as that, and I know that if I knew any of my friends were self harming it would break my heart (one of them do, actually and it makes me feel like a hypocrite bc they have things so much worse than I do) but when it comes to me, I'm not worried about myself I'm worried about those around me.
(sorry for the vent)
I personally find that tea tree (it's an oil) and then Neosporin works really well on fighting any infection and making them fade really quick. (But only if you remember to apply it when it's fresh, that's how I got completely clear lower legs and super scared thighs and ribs)