Hey im happy to be here and feel way less alone (is that a sentence)
I knew this guy since i was 12 ans we both just thought the other was the prettiest thing we had ever seen we grew up together and at 16 he became unwell
I always saw parts of this guy that he couldn't see even when he was acting in really poor ways ans being extremely selfish.
He gor sick. Due to his undiagnosed mental illness if schizo effective disorder it has bipolar mood symptoms. We always clicked and he came back into my life when i was 28 and had a 4 year old we were just friends but he seemed stable and we had so many laughs together. The unconditional love i felt fir this guy was so over whelming... we were both in recovery and clicked on this too he seemed so different and stable.
I ended up telling him how i felt and i was si certain he felt the same but no im not ready for dating
Then i saw him on a date with a girl. I was so confused....
Time passed and he professed his feelings for me and spoke of us having a future and he was amazing with my son... he told me he loved me
But said he couldn't do intamacy or mushy... i felt the whole time like everything was my fault.... he would ghost me. And act like all the things he said never happened it killed me as i was madly in love and he acted so cold and distant and arrogant. I felt so powerless...
I explained i was willing to learn about his illness but he wasnt up for that
My sons father wasnt really around and this guy was so great at making me feel like he and i had something special
I finally said i dont kniw what ti do
I love you ajd ill wait for you because i want this
He acted cold again and said he needs to work on himself . It hurt but i understood
We spent 1 month of being si madly in love and then nothing.....
I felt si lost and stupid
He called in again and i was so happy to see him at my door
He was amazing again and i made a move on him and rejected me and i fekt treated like a piece of meat he told me he owed me an apology. That he was in a manic episode andnever meant what he said... but he did love me. And had strong feelings towards me but he can't do mushy and he cares about mw too much... he left and i cried my eyes out for many nights after my son would go ti bed
2 weeks later i saw him walking down the road with the girl he was datinng at the beginning of the story ... talk about a kick in the stomach
He didnt explain or anything... he tried ti act as if we were friends but it hurt way ti much..
..im a pretty stable person and i understand he is unwell but i know this guy and me had a connection we always did
I loved him si much and i feel so stupid. That i fell for it all.
It hurts si much and i miss him terribly but i wont go back
I just dont understand when we were having such a great time why he did that??
He said he didnt feel in control when we were together?? And he didn't like that
Everytime i spoke about my recovery or therapy he seemd pissed off.
I just blamed myself and felt as if maybe i did something wrong and messed it up
He hasn't contacted me. And it hurts ti have loved someone si much and just felt like i was only a delusion!?